I watch as her casket is being lowered into the cold hard ground
I am numb, i am blank, i am dark, i am lost
Blurry eyes try to see her last bed she will lay on
It could have been mahogany brown
It could have been painted more smoother
It should have been decorated with lace
What the f&¥% is a fly doing flying around here

Who let those branches fall into the hole
I frantically wipe off the earth from the glass
Why does she look so thirsty
Why is her skin so grey and ashy
Please smile at me again
I can hardly hear what the preacher is saying
Her life history told in words i cannot comprehend
Why is the weather so dull today
Mama please say something
So this stone stuck in my throat can melt away
I hate that you are all alone in that casket
Why can’t i hold you so you don’t look so cold

You have now left me alone
Should i be angry
Should i be sad
Should i cry now or later
Should i fear today
Can this hollow emptiness ever leave
Can my tears stand frozen in my tear ducts
Can life ever make sense anymore
Can shrunken hearts be mended

Mama you promised to stay with me forever
Who is going to feed me when i am sickly in bed
Who will plait my hair as they sing a song for me
Whose bed will i crawl into when i have nightmares
I know am 23 now but
I need you to embrace me at night when i dream
Who is going to laugh with me during Christmas
You left before seeing me graduate
You have left before i walked down the aisle
You were the one to give my hand to my husband
You were to hold your first grandchild
Mama i’m drowning in pain, burning pain

How did the world become so cruel
I only heard of the disease when it was too late
You feared telling me
You almost collapsed as you sat in the doctor’s chair with me
As the doctor explained why you were so sick so often
World stopped
Lights darkened
My heart disappeared
I died a thousand deaths
It was now you and me
Now only me
“Dust to dust…” preacher’s words brought me back to reality
Fingers trembling
Cold shriveling my skin
I throw the earth

Copyright Seotember 2015

Mulunga Alukwe


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