I had promised myself, my ego, my heart
I would never betray my sanity by crazily falling under a man’s spell
Yet here i was
Standing in an insanely long line waiting to see him perform
Hugging myself closely to shake the early evening breeze
Clutching me earthly possessions lest they disappear
I stll did not believe i was here…now…in this drizzly weather
I let go of the guilt i carried having sold my precious handbag to get a ticket

“A ticket to hellish maybe?” my mind chided me
“Come on i deserve this! After working so hard!” I shut it down
Days itched as i waited for the day he would come
A tinge of jealousy washed over me seeing all these other ‘groupies’ excitedly wait for him too
Maddening thoughts threatened to overwhelm me but i resisted
I had no claim over him on any way
Heck! He didn’t know me, wouldn’t know me, couldn’t know me
Ooh, how i wish…
Finally inside this huge arena i stood drinking everything in
Inhaling the air of anticipation, addiction and unfulfilled dreams
Lights flashed in an instant instruments bellowed and there he was
A beast of a man curved like the sculpture of Zeus
Ground shifted, my breath caught in my chest, i couldn’t here anything else
He was here
Song after song i stood frozen eyes transfixed like a trance
I saw him in posters
Heard him on radio
Watched him on TV
Dreamt of him many times over
Seeing him was different, exhilarating even
The last song and he called out a name
Suddenly lights flashed in my eyes to jot me back to reality
He’s looking at me!
Or is he?
I must be dreaming
It’s me he’s looking at
Everything in me refused to move at my command
In an instant he was right in front of me
“I know you!” my mind screamed
It was him,
My first crush,
When i was six…

Copyright November 2015

Mulunga Alukwe

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