HE FOUND HER SUICIDE NOTE

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The day i found out about dad
Which dad
He’s never even called me
Since the last time i did
Who are you kidding
He doesnt want me
I’m just an inconvenience to him
Something he would like to sweep
Under a rug and forget
Why didn’t i get the perfect family

Why was i the one who’s life is just f*@kin’ messed up
Why didn’t i get two parents
Who lived together, loved each other
Most importantly loved me
Was or is that too much to ask
Do i not deserve to be loved by two parents
What sin did i commit to have to live through
This nightmare of a life
I keep asking questions
That never get answers
I want to move on but move on where? To what?
Seriously don’t stress me
I’m not in the mood and today is not the day
I’ll cut you
Maybe i should start cutting myself
See if that will relieve my stress
Or maybe i should just cut my veins
And bleed the life out of me
Am i ever really happy
Will i ever be happy
What is happiness anyway
But an illusion to keep us jaded, living in denial
Why does everybody else get to move on
And i don’t
A little break is what i would love to catch
Feel like my being here means something
Even to myself
I’m just tired of it all
The constant battling with trying to get by
And always finding myself further away
Backwards than where i was
I’m always in a circle that never stops going nowhere
Yet pulling me back
Would it be so bad
If one day they all wake up
And i’m no longer viable
Just gone
Drew in my last breath last night
Not to breath again
I know i would be finally happy
Being away from my crappy life
A life i struggle to exist in
Seeming to only be swallowed
By a deep darkness i cannot comprehend
It all makes sense
That i should be non existent
In death
Just like i am
In this life

Copyright September 2016
Mulunga Alukwe

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