SHADES OF MY SOUL

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Shades of many shades in my soul
Has been turning me around in my bed
Drinking tea from a ceramic tea cup of chinese origins
Driving myself into a rollercoaster of dirty emotions
Needing to speak to someone who knows my pain
Big bangs of loosing control of my own sanity
Sparks of fire
Smoke
Peaceless nights
Spectacles intact
Windscreen shouting in danger Turning everything upside down Concious of a cold
Shivers in the night
White handkerchiefs of a 19th centuty gentleman
Paddles in muddy weather of raindrops
Washing my soul with laxatives, painkillers, eyeing that meth
Just to numb the pains of shades in my soul
This glass of wine
This cup of tea
This mug of porridge
Staring at a fish bowl, gold fish trying to find Nemo
Loss of you baby
Loss of myself
Loss of my existence
Loss of my identity
Loss of my sanity
Dances
Make no careless whispers in the night, upholding a strength of possession
Say a prayer of broken hallelujah to the single lone star in the blue night sky
Pastures of broken frontiers green with fertile lands
Seeking mercy
Searching hope
Feeding faith
Harvests in summer
Tales with static meaning of surprise dates
Wanting to shed off weight of grief without horror of pain
Partly cloudy
Shades of many shades in my soul

YOUR SCENT IS ALL I HAVE LEFT

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I watched you love another as my heart broke into millions of pieces

I wanted to touch you yet I knew you were not mine

All I could think of was your fingertips in mine

Your kiss I desired so much to the point of insanity

Waiting as if watching a plant germinate and grow from the soil

I knew you could never be mine

Your heart belonged to someone elseā€¦her

All the feelings that kept coming to the surface

Continue reading “YOUR SCENT IS ALL I HAVE LEFT”

HE FOUND MY REPLACEMENT

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We were a walk away from reaching the altar

He said he never loved like this before

How life lied on my faceless regret

Filling me with unnecessary hopes

Dreamless nights

Channeled by midday nightmares

How was laughter to rein my conscious

Dreading a morning without his

Continue reading “HE FOUND MY REPLACEMENT”

HE FOUND HER SUICIDE NOTE

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The day i found out about dad
Which dad
He’s never even called me
Since the last time i did
Who are you kidding
He doesnt want me
I’m just an inconvenience to him
Something he would like to sweep
Under a rug and forget
Why didn’t i get the perfect family
Continue reading “HE FOUND HER SUICIDE NOTE”

HE WANTED TO LET GO

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I’ m back
To wanting to curl into a ball
Disappear from this universe
Telling her is one thing
Telling him
Or them
Is another
I just feel like i will be judged
And condemned
Judge and jury style
I hate this
I wish she wasn’t pregnant
Continue reading “HE WANTED TO LET GO”